@ElizaBayne: Name brands really are better. For instance, I just found out that the Tide pen works much better on stains than regular pens
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@jonnysun: dumbledore: our enchanted ceiling shows us wat the sky outside looks like mcgonagall: so…a magic glass ceiling dumbledore: [starts sweating]
@primawesome: Oatmeal shouldn't get to have the word "meal" in it. How about oatsnack? Or oatbullshit?
@msdanifernandez: [during sex] him: Im so sorry. This literally never happens [takes out telescope to watch comet]