@timdonakowski: Naming my daughter "A Relationship" so I don't have to worry about punks wanting to be in her.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Optometrist: Any questions about laser eye surgery? Me: How big of lasers will my eyes shoot? Him: Me: Him: How much money do you have?
@Annoyinglyhappy: Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you criticize,you are a mile away from them & have their shoes
@themorris23: Ive always hated math because, in my head, all the word problems sounded like this: The spaghetti envelopes are triangular. Find X.