@Reverend_Scott: Naming that space movie Gravity makes about as much sense as naming Jurassic Park something like There's No Dinosaurs In This.
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@MatCro: IAN: Just how do fleas jump so high? ME: Your guess is as good as mine I: I reckon they wear tiny tiny Air Jordans M: Ok I take that back
@fridaycandy: At a job interview: "What are your strengths?" "I'm an optimist and a positive thinker." "Give me an example" "When do I start?"
@RoosterMustache: *pulls away from kissing my girlfriend's twin* TWIN: she'll never find out about us ME: thanks dude you're a trustworthy guy