@SortaBadass: Naming your daughter after a luxury car or precious gemstone is a wager with the universe that your parenting can make her not be a stripper
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@drinksmcgee: They say that ones who hurt you the most also love you the most which means that this clown standing over me with an axe must love me a lot.
@Carbosly: The elevators aren't working and I work on the 10th floor. I just may become the first person ever to call in sick from the security desk.
@samLM68: How to enjoy babies: 1 Hold them 2 Kiss them 3 Hand them back to their mom 4 Go have drinks with grown ups 5 Laugh about not having a baby