@SortaBadass: Naming your daughter after a luxury car or precious gemstone is a wager with the universe that your parenting can make her not be a stripper
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@iwearaonesie: wife: Why is 9 crying? me: Because it's raining and he's getting wet wife: But we're at a water park me *takes a drink from my flask* Yep
@Thynebear: [Talking w/Doc] The wife wants to try period sex "Seems unsanitary to me" I dont think u understand- *wife bursts in wearing medieval armor*
@TheMichaelRock: [guy inventing Captain Crunch] Hear me out, they're razor blades, but they're delicious.