@JediGigi: Nana said I took too much NyQuil so I laughed at her and then she turned back into a paper clip and jumped into my fave Law & Order episode.
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@Eightinchgoat: When I get a call from an unknown number I answer by whispering: "It's done, but there's blood everywhere!"
@TheTweetOfGod: The question is not "Why is Instagram not working?", but "Why does the world need another picture of you?" #instagramnotworking
@frankpallotta: A Clinton is running for POTUS, a Jurassic Park movie dominated the summer box office, and they found a knife on OJ's property. It's 1994.