@JediGigi: Nana said I took too much NyQuil so I laughed at her and then she turned back into a paper clip and jumped into my fave Law & Order episode.
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@Ideal_Victoria: Me: This is the year I'm going to save money. Also me: *googles, "how to purchase a baby elephant?"*
@daemonic3: [spelling bee] Judge: Your word is McConaughey McConaughey. M-C-C-O-N-A-U-G-H-E-Y, McConaughey. Did I get it? Judge: We have no idea
@famouscrab: you gotta turn your phone off when you fly in case an old plane text you and your new plane get jealous
@Rollinintheseat: Please, keep trying unsuccessfully to suck the snot back up in your nose instead of using a tissue. Everyone loves the noise you're making.