@Cali_Kid_Mike: Narcissist? Let's just calm down with the big words and keep this conversation about me.
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@GeauxSaints79: M: Are you gonna eat that baby? Lady: What!!?! Go away you Sick-O' M: Sorry! I saw you putting it on Instagram & figured.. Never mind.
@CrissieC: I just found a half eaten hotdog inside of a Mr.Potatohead in the hamper. Living with a toddler is like living with a tiny hammered person.
@SteveSuckington: First date: [ok, don't let her know you're a cop] Her: do you come here often? Me: *shoots unarmed black teen*
@NicestHippo: In America, we decide to bomb people after a week of reflection, but have debated the legality of smoking a plant for 40 years