@LorieGZ: My husband thinks The Bachelor show is fake, they're all there to be actors, and that it's total bullshit. Then he turned to wrestling.

@inigoomontoya: People don't really care who you are until you lick their face

@davedittell: "she's too good for him" "he doesn't deserve her" "she should be with me" "I need a good girl like that" --me looking at other people's dogs

@ojedge: [date] Me: 'Don't let her know ur a boxing ring announcer…' Her: "Shall we order dessert?" Me: "LET'S GET READY TO EAT APPLE CRUUUUMBLE!"

@erikbransteen: "Speak softly and carry a big stick." -- Teddy Roosevelt "Yell loudly and talk about the size of your stick." -- Donald Trump