@jazmasta: Nature fact: The female cat gives birth to the body and head of her kittens separately and has to screw the head in like a lightbulb.
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@darinlovesbacon: I'm not one to give parenting advice, but kids are a lot less likely to fight you on eating dinner if you don't give them lunch or breakfast
@shutupmikeginn: I just walked in on two coworkers crying in a conference room and I was like, "mind if I join?"
@iwearaonesie: [Bar] me: Gimme one more wife: I think you've had enough m: Last one w: Fine m: *asks waitress for another kids menu so I can do the maze*