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@cheeky__gal: Necrophiliacs love going out on expiration dates.
@Jmboyd58: Yes, I absolutely want to hear about your cat's medication.
@travisauruss: I like my pizza like I like my pizza: pizza
@Quartzjixler: I got fired from the church nursery for racing the babies.
@juliussharpe: A new study shows dogs recognize pictures of their owners. Also, they're like, "Why are you showing me photos? I'm a dog."
@BruceForce: Where on LinkedIn do I add my current gang memberships