@HRH_Duke_of_Url: Needless to say, I don't think it's good news.
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@robotrowboat: Please put away that scary photo, Tina. That's my X-ray. I'm not sure what’s worse: the fact you dated a skeleton or that its name was Ray.
@onion_an: Me: I've lost my kitten Cop: How would you best describe him? Me: He looks like a miniature cat
@Black__Elvis: I used to think my neighbors were racist but that thoughtful burning cross they put in my yard proved to be a great source of natural light.
@Sickayduh: [Touring Italy] Guide: Bathroom anyone? Me: I peed at the Tower of Pizza Guide: That's Pisa Me: Sorry. I took a pisa at the Tower of Pizza