@Sarcasticsapien: So many people are worried that The Walking Dead could happen and I'm over here terrified that Idiocracy is actually happening.

@BestWorstAdvice: I'm beginning to think that Judas Priest might not be a Christian rock band.

@GlennyRodge: Whenever I left a door open, my mum would ask if I was born in a barn, which is odd because you'd think she'd remember something like that.

@KissabiX: [creating a sloth] God: Take that roadkill over there and make it blink

@dshack8: 3 Best Uses for Oven Timers: 1. Remind you of beer in the freezer 2. Pizza rolls 3. Notify guests when their time's up & they should leave