@GibJimson: Nephew: Were the scorpions around when there were dinosaurs?
Me: You mean like the band?
@MikeLonghelt: Vampire who is obsessed with his diet.
@pizza_dragon: "I'm so pissed I could punch a ba-"
"A what?" Big Baby from Toy Story 3 hovers over me, sawed-off shotgun in hand.
"A bagel. I HATE carbs."
@chuuew: I often find myself singing in the shower, which can be extremely frightening. Is he a clone!? What is this place! SOMEBODY HELP ME.
@imteddybless: us women should leave something 2 the imagination. for example it should always be unclear whether ur human or a mysterious glowing vapour
@UncleDuke1969: "Dad, I don't feel good."
"Do you want to go see the doctor?"
"Are you gonna throw up?"
"OK. We'll take your mom's car."