@SamReidSays: Netflix, stop making me wait 15 seconds between episodes. I can't click because I'm eating cereal and a sandwich.
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@_TayTayJustine: Every time you reply to a text from your ex, Taylor Swift completes another album. Don't be an enabler. Drop the phone.
@curlycomedy: You're invited to my Oscar party! The theme is movie star cuisine which means there won't be any food.
@heatherlou_: "IT WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS!!!" I yell at the guy next to me at the red light while tweezing stray hairs from my chin.