@SamReidSays: Netflix, stop making me wait 15 seconds between episodes. I can't click because I'm eating cereal and a sandwich.
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@Midgetspar: I received a basketball in the mail from Amazon. I haven't played basketball in 20 years but apparently drunk me thinks I'm Michael Jordan.
@OutOnTheMoors: Dear USA: Having seen most of your potential candidates, please ditch elections and try the sword-in-the-stone method of choosing a leader.