@Juan_Incognito: Netflix suggested I watch my kids.
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@Squizbot: I would never cheat in a relationship because that would require two people finding me attractive.
@tastefactory: PATIENT: Someone gave me pills at a party and my stomach hurts DR: We took x-rays. You have spongy dinosaurs expanding inside you right now
@Book_Krazy: "And why do you want to work at the aquarium?" * imagines me with a mermaid tail swimming in the giant tank after hours* I like fish
@JennyPentland: "When you fall in love it burns and you die, right?" Yes, son. Love is terrible. "No Mom, I said LAVA." Oh. You maybe can survive that one.