@Juan_Incognito: Netflix suggested I watch my kids.
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@RandomManik: I stole a seat from an old man and he remarked, "Chivalry is Dead". I said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know. He wasn't even trending on Twitter".
@SCBamaMan: As soon as you see the cop approaching, throw the bag of weed in his hands and do a citizen's arrest.
@Dmvm1977: OMG! My boss has choked on his sandwich and stopped breathing!! Should I call an ambulance? Its been 16hrs.. I didn't wanna make a fuss.