@VerbsRProudest: Never answer knocking at your door. It's always people. Always. Never giant chocolate bars. Only people.
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@thatsuperdad: Stranger: Sir your fly is down... Me: Oh geez! Thanks. *Bends down and picks up fly* Me: He's had some wing issues lately
@EJGomez: me: can i have a coke waiter: is Pepsi ok? me: ya pepsi's fine pepsi: i have a boyfriend
@jacquiewalters: "What should we name them?" Grapes "And what about these?" Grapefruits "I see. So one is a larger version of another?" Not at all "Perfect"