@VerbsRProudest: Never answer knocking at your door. It's always people. Always. Never giant chocolate bars. Only people.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@djr_102: Women love shy guys with some sensitive sensibilities. They also love confidence and assertiveness. So, have multiple personality disorder.
@Elifcello: Blood is thicker than water, but maple syrup is thicker than blood. So pancakes are more important than family. There, I said it.
@ABurgerADay: [tsunami approaches] Me: At last I will feel oblivion's sweet embrace. Tsunami (inexplicably reversing): I have a boyfriend.
@matt_travelling: Two things Twitter cultivates and encourages: 1. instant gratification 2. sense of impatient entitlement 3. misunderstanding of basic math