@Underchilde: Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she’s doing.
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@Jarhead44: I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I'm in.
@MandiAtRandom: Forgot to do laundry again. I bet everyone at work is going to love my prom dress.
@KattWillFerrell: DOG: I think that job interview went well! *looks in mirror and sees ear was inside-out the whole time* Son of a
@ibid78: -Joe's coming over. "Joe from work or Joe who thinks he's the Norse god, Thor?" [the distant sound of thunder makes the guacamole quiver]