@slimmy_shady: Never eat ice cream while chatting online. Sister: why are you typing so slowly Me: well my other hands busy. She hasnt replied yet.
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@1followernodad: Can't wait for the google doodle guy to get dumped and make things super personal.
@CulturedRuffian: * on a date snuggling * Me: Did you enjoy dinner? Her: Yeah, but now I feel fat. Me: Get your hands off my belly.
@HallpassCanada: Happy Thursday guys and remember. If you can't spot the douche at work today, then it's probably you.