@prufrockluvsong: Never eat the free guacamole at a sushi restaurant. It's always waaay too spicy and doesn't taste anything like avocados.
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@iFluff8: Millions of people are killed every year because they didn't check behind the shower curtain first. Be smart. Peep before you poop.
@LizHackett: Keen silence from a dinner guest as she looks across the living room and realizes I made her bridesmaid dress into a dog bed.
@ThisOneSayz: (Don't) touch! (Don't) scream! (Don't) run! (Don't) fight! (Don't) pee here! (Don't) put that in your mouth! ~ Toddler selective hearing
@YourAnMoron: Judge "Why are you divorcing her?" Me "She changed the station during Bohemian Rhapsody." J "You get half her stuff." *air guitar solo*