@longwall26: It must be almost impossible for chalk-outline guys not to turn victims' hands into turkeys this time of year.

@NoChillPosts: HOES BE LIKE

@shutupmikeginn: Astronauts are cowards, why don't you stay down here and face earth's problems like a man

@justabloodygame: *scrawls note on deserted isle* TRAPPED ON ISLAND! HELP ME! *sends off in bottle* *it returns, months later, with reply* NEW BOTTLE WHO DIS?

@AtticusFinch79: <gets pulled over> Officer- What's making all that noise in your trunk? Me- My feelings. I'm trying to dispose of them properly.