@AntozWolf: Never ever make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for a long time....
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@TheCatWhisprer: I hate when I think there's an open parking space and then I have to run over a motorcycle.
@jackiembouvier: Me: So, what are your thoughts? Therapist: Well, I think you may have some boundary issues. Me: [In his lap] Are you saying I'm fat?!
@jrsalzman: Twitter has taught me a couple things. First, there are some incredibly brilliant people in the world. Second, they are vastly outnumbered.
@StockSwaff: Girls like guys who take charge: ask her out, plan a date, take a hostage, overthrow a government, nuke her ex's hometown, buy her a puppy.