@PaperWash: Never go shopping on an empty stomach, I just went to Macy's before dinner and ate 7 turtle necks
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@bobvulfov: [posing nude] ME: make sure to capture all of my body's contours DMV GUY: again, this is entirely inappropriate for a license photo
@lisaOoOo: I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It's like they don't know I plan on cropping them out later.
@Mr_Kapowski: Q: When is Santa's birthday? A: Since Santa comes once a year and he's married, Santa's birthday is December 25th