@PaperWash: Never go shopping on an empty stomach, I just went to Macy's before dinner and ate 7 turtle necks
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@ElleOhHell: UNCLE: Officers weren't even safe from their own men in Vietnam. ME: I've just decided it's too hard to zoom in on any more dogs' noses.
@Home_Halfway: I really want to rent a hot air balloon. Or at least a moderately attractive air balloon with a great personality.
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old daughter: *looks in the mirror* Can you get me something to match my cowboy boots? Me: What? 5-year-old: A horse.