@PaperWash: Never go shopping on an empty stomach, I just went to Macy's before dinner and ate 7 turtle necks
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@TheDiLLon1: 1) Find short Irish guy 2) teach him to rap. 3) Become manager. Name him Leprechaunye West 4) wait for $ to roll in
@squirrel74wkgn: [flashback to 1st date] *cuts round hole in bottom of popcorn Me: Popcorn? Her: No thanks. (Mom reaches from row behind) "I'll have some."
@SardonicTart: I don't go to the circus. Not because I'm scared of clowns, but because I'm scared of people who go to the circus.