@RickNothing: "Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven't slept in eleven years.
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@EliTerry: I USED VOLUME MAXIMIZING SHAMPOO THIS MORNING SO YES I DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM IN YOUR FACE OFFICER
@ka_unplugged: There are two types of people on Twitter. Those who can take a joke, and those who will copy it and claim it as their own
@ClickBaite: Watches my wife cut the 2 yr. olds apple juice with water ... *Hauntingly second guesses every drink she's ever mixed for me now