@trevso_electric: "Never Have I Ever" is a party game and fun way to find out who shouldn't be donating blood.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: What do you want for your birthday? Me: You could get me a “world’s best dad” mug. 4: You told me not to lie.
@Dawn_M_: Do you remember that creepy girl who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
@bourgeoisalien: Probably the hardest part about being God is deciding between two equally terrible youth soccer teams that have just prayed to win.
@andylassner: So proud watching my son fight invisible monsters in the outfield while the ball rolls right past him.