@CatLitterGirl: Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
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@Tommytoughstuff: [High school reunion] Hey guys! Remember me!? "No" How about now? *puts an entire toilet on my head* (in unison) CHRIS!
@TheCiscoKidder: I have no problem feeding my kid something that fell on the floor, so I get it, restaurant employees.