@OreoSpeedwagon_: Never judge Darth Vader's parenting abilities harshly when we live in a world where Toddlers In Tiaras exists.
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@IziBoy121: I bought a blowup doll today, but I won't blow her up until tomorrow. I don't want to seem desperate.
@thetits: [just meeting a new group of people] My brain: say something cool and different Me: HOW YA'LL GOT?? Brain: nice
@JenniferVaz36: Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it