@TheMichaelRock: Never laugh at a toddlers joke unless you want to hear it repeated 425 more times.
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@moose_chocolate: "So you spend 6 bucks on a beverage that has no booze in it on purpose?" -me to everyone at Starbucks.
@vineyille: "Food expiration dates are lies. It's all about control." My knife breaks as I cut into a plate of milk. "I'm saving this for later."
@dreamthievin: Too bad the Kardashian show couldn't be like "The Ring" and kill anyone who watches it.
@MrPudmansButler: If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe's poker table you're too mature for me.