@TheMichaelRock: Never laugh at a toddlers joke unless you want to hear it repeated 425 more times.
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@AnnaKendrick47: In first grade when I'd tell my parents what I learned in class and they'd act amazed, I'd think "Shouldn't you know this shit already?"
@ericsshadow: THERAPIST: what's the problem? WIFE: he replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise
@birbigs: Russian skater just explained that he is "not a robot," proving, of course, that he is a robot. #Olympics
@AnOrangeSNES: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Nobody, the pH level of a pineapple can not sustain life.