@SortaBad: Never look at the guy riding a unicycle, you're giving him what he wants
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@Adyaces: Dr: What seems to be the problem? Me: It's my hearing, Doctor. Dr: Can you describe the symptoms? Me: Mmm, well, there's Homer, Bart....
@EndhooS: Lecturer: The human body is made up of 60% water Me: Oh god... Lecturer: *rolls eyes* What is it now? Me: [drowning somehow] I CAN'T SWIM
@nbadag: GARY BUSEY: I WANNA WRITE A BOOK HIS AGENT: gary that's a bad idea—how'd you feel about a ghost writer? GARY: SCARED AS HELL BUT I LIKE IT
@Breadery: I tried to wear skinny jeans but it squeezed all my flesh into the top half of my body and made me look like a novelty balloon.