@jwoodham: Never look down on anyone. Unless you're a lion cub named Simba and you're being held over a crowd of animals by a weird monkey doctor.
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@Breadery: Snow White succumbs to avian influenza as a message against the laziness of magically hiring animals to complete household chores.
@iRowlf: Baby monitors are pointless because most babies simply stop doing illegal shit as soon as they realize you've got their room bugged.
@TheTweetOfGod: Next time you kill thousands of innocent people in a disaster, tell the judge you "work in mysterious ways" and see how far it gets you.
@squirrel74wkgn: If my wife comes to bed nude it's ON, but when it's me at the end of the bed naked she's all "what are you doin, we're at Mattress City."