@Savage_Scavange: Never really had a nickname in my life.. Except maybe that one time a bunch of chumps called me "The defendant" for a full day.
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@NurseMurderer: My favorite part of eating alone at this trendy restaurant was when the waitress asked if I had cats because I had cat hair, "all over."
@WhiskeySoured: If a bear is chasing you, don't run. Be very still and tweet about it because you're about to die.
@SatansTongue: *daughter grabs 50 shades of grey* NO! *smacks it out of her hand* "I want to color!" ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK "But daddy-" DON'T CALL ME THAT
@WilliamAder: Can't wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.