@neiltyson: Never seen a bar fight break out while people are drinking wine. Beer, yes. Hard liquor, yes. But not wine.
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@MsFoxIfUrNasty: *pinching bridge of my nose* Kid, the sky is blue because it's made of dead Smurfs, okay? Believe me, I don't like it either.
@Chocovania: [Border control] Officer: “You’re not American.” Me: “Deep.” *Officer squints* M: “Fried.” *squints harder* M: “Guns.” "Welcome back, Sir."
@xmasape: If Michaels doesn't come strong with a "Hobby Lobby supports ISIS" campaign then they're just not ruthless enough to survive in Big Craft