@KatieBurnett: Never seen anyone in Nandos or McDonald's pick up an appropriate amount of napkins - you're cleaning up after a burger not a double homicide
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@EndhooS: Yelling "PARKOUR" whenever your toddler falls over is an easy way to make him look like a cool free runner rather than a clumsy little idiot
@clinicallychill: Haunted by a ghost that hates confrontation they just leave notes on my bathroom mirror like "saw u werent scared by me last nite whats up?"
@TheToddWilliams: [date] HER: So, are you religious? FRANKENSTEIN: I'm part Catholic HER: Oh…your mother or your father? FRANKENSTEIN: My foot