@VerifiedJayy: Never tell a joke about a midget. They can come back to bite you on the ass
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@TJ_TheMenace: Her: Sir, you account has been hacked. Me: Twitter? Her: No. Your Bank acc. Me: Ooooh Thank God.
@BoogTweets: Dad: What is taking him so long to get me that crow bar? Me: *Applying for a liquor license* Yes I'm serious, it's just for crows.
@virtualhippie: Being high in front of your parents is like trying to do your best impression of yourself.