@VerifiedJayy: Never tell a joke about a midget. They can come back to bite you on the ass
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@TheToddWilliams: [high seas] FIRST MATE: I can't wait to see my wife again PIRATE: Land Ho! FIRST MATE: Now look, that's a little rude
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: "I injured myself at the gym" Buddy: "Too much weight?" Me: "I guess. I was just trying to lift my Segway onto the treadmill"
@dril: ive decided that nudity is acceptable if irt's done for artistic reasons, like, promoting a mattress store,
@hippieswordfish: ME: hah, no way. well, maybe sometimes- or i guess...yes? i don't know, what was the question again INTERVIEWER: are you indecisive