@VerifiedJayy: Never tell a joke about a midget. They can come back to bite you on the ass
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@Thedudish: I don't know which is stranger: That the cat buried a mouse's body in the yard, or that the service was attended by dozens of mice in suits.
@TheRolo: I tried watching Inception with Twitter on. I still don't know what Juno was doing in their dreams.
@caliluvgirl77: Just made eye contact with my hot neighbor through the window Wish I didn't have 6 marshmallows in my mouth.
@kelkulus: Felix Baumgartner's 127,000 ft jump becomes world's greatest free fall, unseating previous record set by the 2008 US Economy. #spacejump