@MollySneed: Never tell someone that it would work out if "only they lived closer". Crazy can change zip codes faster than you can change your identity.
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@Mr_Kapowski: My daughter is the perfect height for using an umbrella to simultaneously keep her dry and for me to lose an eye from one of its corners
@Skullcat: What if ants aren't insects at all but are vehicles that even smaller insects drive to work?
@Bagyants: I deactivated my Facebook so I won't know if any bible verses are "so true" for a while.
@cray_at_home_ma: Me, to all my kids before the age of 2. "No screens allowed." On their 2nd birthday, handing over iPad. "This is your mother now."