@MollySneed: Never tell someone that it would work out if "only they lived closer". Crazy can change zip codes faster than you can change your identity.
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@lilgapeach30: It's like my daddy always says...if you can't beat 'em, arrange to have 'em beaten.
@TheDairylandDon: Where do avocados come from? Uh, well, when a crocodile loves a pear very much...
@P0tterhead_394: My favorite pickup line is when a guy just slides an order of mozzarella sticks towards me.
@SkinnerSteven: HIPSTER COP: *into radio* "We've got a 13-88 in progress...it's a pretty rare crime, you probably wouldn't know it"