@cynicanoldicus: Never threaten anyone. It spoils the surprise.
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@KeetPotato: magician: "think of a letter, any letter" me: "ok" magician: "now double it" me: [visibly confused]
@Tommytoughstuff: Dating tip: don't mention your time as a Boy Scout, let your sash full of badges do the talkin.
@RobElliottComic: I don't mean to sound like a tough guy but I've been in New York City for almost two hours and I've only cried like 31 times...
@Maxine12333: I've always admired a man in a uniform who is soft, sweet and tender. I guess my perfect match is the Stay Puft Marshmellow man.