@ristolable: Never tip a cow more than 15%.
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@ch000ch: me: if ur soulmate dies before u meet them do u get like a backup soulmate professor: i meant questions about the midterm
@VeganZebra: Me: Let's go to Chipotle Justin: Hold on. My leg is asleep Me: *whispering* Oh, sorry. Let's go to Chipotle
@KalvinMacleod: GOD: I've created donuts ANGEL: ooh they're yummy but why the hole? GOD: ANGEL: GOD: ANGEL: because they are holy GOD: because they are holy
@CharismaFueled: Apparently, changing your profile to "Flirty, dirty and a little squirty" gets you kicked out of Christian Mingle.