@audipenny: Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces
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@cjwerleman: When Obama declared war on Ebola, an executive producer at Fox News tried to find it on google maps.
@xLiserx: *Wakes up in Superman's body* Me: Holy crap! I'm finally a hero! *Uses heat vision to re-heat last night's pizza & puts on Netflix*
@mishakey: 4 out of 5 experts agree that when you put any 5 experts together, 4 out of 5 of them will agree.