@KeetPotato: never trust a person who says they don't like chocolate, even dogs eat chocolate and it kills them
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@LoveNLunchmeat: Age 28: forgets to wash face & moisturize, wakes up w/ smudged sexy eye make-up Age 38: forgets to wash face & moisturize, wakes up a dragon
@Home_Halfway: DATE: So, tell me about your job ME: It's dumb & boring DATE: Oh ME: DATE: ME: *starts eating date's food* This is for asking a bad question
@myonlymizztake: I got a text from an unknown number that said "Game on." It's either a wrong number, or someone wants to wear my skin like a suit.
@Kyle_Lippert: Coming soon to NBC: She's a lawyer who, you guessed it, doesn't play by the rules. And he's a doctor who, right again, pees sitting down.