@KeetPotato: never trust a person who says they don't like chocolate, even dogs eat chocolate and it kills them
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@mellimelle: I spend 90% of my life trying to do the right thing and the other half wondering why I don't understand Math.
@jwoodham: Everyone's talking about how Shia LaBeouf plagiarized Daniel Clowes, but nobody said anything when Kristen Stewart plagiarized paint drying.
@weinerdog4life: If you say "NO YOURE UNDER ARREST" the cop legally has to get in the back of your car.
@Book_Krazy: Boss: This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means? Me: That it's only Wednesday