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@sameblacklist: Never trust an anti-aging lotion that has an expiry date.
@Gre_Gone: Me: "I feel like I'm 90 years old."
My Skin: "Let's go through puberty again."
@o__0Dev: My boss really hates that I shortened his name to Dick.... Especially since his name is Steve
@DamiensGate: Twinkle twinkle line of coke, you're the reason why I'm broke. :(
@Book_Krazy: I bet the kids who TP'd my yard last night and didn't know that toilet paper was on my grocery list, feel pretty stupid right about now
@causticbob: I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point.
She turned around and found out I was walking her home.