@andylassner: Never trust anyone who says you need to come out of your shell because let's start with the fact that they think you're a turtle
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SondraDeeMe: ME: All my life I've been judged. Quit doing drugs! Don't sleep around! JUDGE: We have the murder weapon. ME: Again, with the judging.
@thejacquio: Turns out if you scream for no reason long enough, you get the rest of the day off from work.
@pattymo: GOOD COP: Crazy girlfriend? I know how THAT is BAD COP: He's trying to get on your side so you confess GOOD COP: Jesus Christ, Frank
@fubwat: "Can I have a pound of onions please." "Sorry sir, it's kilos these days." "oh, ok, can I have a pound of kilos please."