@andylassner: Never trust anyone who says you need to come out of your shell because let's start with the fact that they think you're a turtle
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@Fred_Delicious: [becomes allergic to the floor midway through a date & slowly floats out of a window]
@WhaJoTalkinBout: Her: What's your favorite part about being a stay-at-home mom? Me: Showering is optional Her: HAHAHA, be serious. Me: Ok, no drug tests.
@LeonEarlgrey: I'm like that guy at the beginning of infomercials that is unable to do simple shit, i just burns everything and i cant figure out blankets.