@Adyaces: Never trust couscous. It's just fat sand.
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@funnybeachgirl: 2 goldfish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says "YOU MAN THE GUNS, I'LL DRIVE!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (I'm not deleting this)
@evidentlyblonde: When people ask me "plz" because its shorter than "please".. I just tell them "no" because its shorter than "yes."
@krissywillbretz: Dear bill collectors, if you want me to answer the phone, instead of "no caller ID" try something like "free shoes"
@KateWhineHall: Going for a walk because I want to stay healthy. Taking along a box of M&M's because let's be honest here.