@Adyaces: Never trust couscous. It's just fat sand.
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@Sickayduh: "Ma'am, you had twins. They are fine and your boyfriend Chad named them" - Oh no "This is Debra" - aww I like that "And this is Depanties"
@pixelatedboat: "I'm the world champion of hearing," I lied to the girl at the bar. 20 minutes later the real world champion burst in and hit me in the jaw
@MarlonBrandNO: [date] "don't let her know ur from twitter" Her: whats wrong? Me: This fork only has 3 prongs Her: So? Me: it should be called a threek