@AristotlesNZ: Cop failed me on the sobriety test even tho I not only touched my nose like he asked but went on & totally nailed the rest of the macarena.

@DanRegans: People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food

@AmishPornStar1: Go ahead, make fun of my cargo shorts But we'll see who's laughing when you need a corkscrew, life raft, pillow or an extra tuna sandwich.

@Stella1070: Started the mower for the 1st time this year.36 pulls & then I passed out.When I came to, yard had crop circles & the beagle had a mohawk.

@SchantzLaw: Facebook is pretty much the Wal-Mart of the internet.