@rolldiggity: If you're in a bar and a newscaster says, "Police report the killer left a small doll at the scene," don't shout, "It was an action figure!"

@codyspencer0: The guy who invented folding chairs lovingly cares for his product which is a problem for his wife who has season tickets to pro wrestling

@NomDeBenoit: Me: *sets alarm for 7am* Brain: Sounds important! I'm going to go ahead and wake you up three hours early

@TheNardvark: "Sir, do you have any dietary restrictions?" *unbuttons pants* "Not anymore!"

@markydoodoo: sometimes late at night i look up at the stars and wonder what life would be like if my hair was spaghetti. would i eat it? i prolly would. would i eat other peoples hair spaghetti? again, most likely yes