@BDGarp: Never trust your kids. You know who their parents are.
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@omically: saying "we won" after watching a sports game is like saying "we played really well" after watching a concert
@SarahR_82: I tailgated a cop who pulled out of the doughnut shop so he'd know what it feels like when he follows me from the bars.
@sucittaM: Ask someone if they'll watch your bag for you but never actually leave just sit there and watch your bag together with your new friend.
@lindseyallen: Stand way over there and let me tell you a funny fairytale. Once upon a time I ate all of your Halloween candy this morning.