@kwirkyKerri: Never underestimate a well placed "that's what she said". Unless your boss is standing behind you. Thanks for the heads up Michelle.
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@KKBowls: Instead of politely knocking on the bathroom door, my kid attacks the door like a rookie DEA agent on his first raid
@okimstillhungry: Scientist: You left the cage open and 349 frogs escaped. Me: I guess I FROGOT :) Scientist: *rubbing bridge of nose* They were poisonous.
@LisaFarted: So I'm trying to get my husband to go to Paris with me but so far my best argument has been, "I will kill you in your sleep."