@Travon: Flight attendant: "will you perform exit row duties in the event of an emergency?"
Me: "yes"
In my head: "No we're all gonna die"
@Mikecanrant: *puts baby marshmallows on a porcupine*
There you go little guy. Now you're bouncy.
@ThisOneSayz: Me, in shorts and a t-shirt
7yo: Mom, why are you dressed all fancy?
@VerifiedDrunk: If you love someone just tell them. Or get drunk and text them 75 times, that's practically the same thing.
@Jarhead44: If I can't pronounce your name after meeting you, you will from that point forward be addressed as "bro."
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