@KatieBurnett: Never understood why ghosts haunt old, dusty houses. If I was a ghost I'd haunt Hawaii or Bali
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@ShoutingGoddess: If I yawn, and the person talking says, 'Sorry for boring you', I graciously accept their apology. Because, manners.
@100percent001: If we both go for the last slice of apple pie at the same time, I will bury my fork in your throat.
@hippieswordfish: [in traction] Before you ask, yes you can make cheese from moose milk and no I didn't think she'd spook so easy.
@topaz_kell: [job interview] Interviewer: "Do you have any questions for me?" Me: "How strong is the wifi signal in the restroom?" Interviewer: