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@ValeeGrrl: My daughter called Neapolitan ice cream "three-way" ice cream & I'm not sure I'll correct her cuz I'm a horrible person & it makes me laugh.
@BrainFumbles: Cop: Know why I pulled u over? Me: [slams fist on dash] NO, WHY?! Cop: Settle down sir Me: [marries, has kids, gives up ambitions] Cop: ...
@briangaar: The cashier at the grocery store just gave me an "I'm cooler than you" look. Dude I will fight you with this baby strapped to me