@Ham_Tornado: New children's book I'm working on: "Nobody poops but you, you disgusting little freak".
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@leahloveslovely: Vodka bottles should come printed with a crisis hotline number to call in the event you feel like texting your ex
@lucidchemistry: I found if you put the right stickers on your cooler and walk as fast as you can they'll let you in any part of the hospital you want.
@markleggett: I often think "Why would anyone live in Gotham? It's a shithole!", but then you choose to live in the shithole that is [YOUR CITY NAME].