@Ham_Tornado: New children's book I'm working on: "Nobody poops but you, you disgusting little freak".
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@CroweJam: I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
@realHamOnWry: The harder you slam the door walking out on an argument ...the more likely you have to go back inside for your car keys.
@AimeeHelene1: *walks into door on street, looks around* Whew...no one saw me... One year later... *watching TV* *sees self on Funniest Videos*
@Sickayduh: Me: Did you know that a woman's voice gets higher when she's attracted to a man? Her: *batman voice* I have a boyfriend