@dafloydsta: New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.
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@cupcakelynda: My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
@houffy: *i get home riding a pig* Wife: Hey honey, how was the "Hog Riders" meeting? Me: *sighs* Pointless...this one was for motorcycles too.
@robfee: I call bs on the Ninja Turtles having those ripped abs. No way you could do crunches with a shell attached to your back. Trust me Ive tried.
@davedittell: ZOMBIE MOM: Brains for dinner! TEEN ZOMBIE: Again?!? [slamming bedroom door] I wish I was alive!!