@dafloydsta: New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.
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@julieklausner: If I were Santa Claus, I'd have my agent be like "He's not doing it this year if Ronald McDonald is going to be there in that shoe car."
@Carbosly: If I ever visit Japan, the first thing I'll do is run through those paper walls pretending I'm the Kool-Aid man.
@TheCiscoKidder: My wife never catches me scoping out the hot chick because she's too busy judging the hot chick.
@PJTLynch: Vacation Bible School is a phrase that gets less exciting for kids as each word is introduced