@billmaher: New evidence shows #marijuana not only helps with cancer side effects but may fight cancer itself! Oh pot, is there anything u can't do?
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@KeetPotato: me: "£4,000 for a beehive?" salesman: "sir, there are 8,000 bees in there, that's only 50p each" me: [checking my wallet] "give me 3 bees"
@tigersgoroooar: Killer with knife to my throat: it's ironic how you're about to die in your living room. Me: actually, that's not really what ironic means.
@liberalcannon: My hobbies are scrolling through twitter, charging my phone and being generally dissatisfied with things.