@YoungNobler: New Facebook technology can identify faces with 97.25% accuracy, and then ask you if you want to tag that statue in the background.
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@chuuew: I'm not sure if this snake is trying to ask me a question or if he's just eaten a candy cane.
@briancthayer: [house hunting] Friend: *hurls spear into vinyl siding* GOT ONE! Me: *hacking at brick siding w/ sword* GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME!
@lovexios: I hate when people text 'call me'. I'm going to start calling people, say 'text me' and then hang up.